


This Is Gospel

by theultimatenerd04



Series: marvel song fics [4]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a sorta happy ending, Based On A Panic! At The Disco Song, Gen, Heavy Angst, Homeless Peter Parker, Homelessness, Past Identity Reveal, Peter Parker Needs a Break, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Post-Spider-Man: Far From Home, So much angst, Songfic, Spider-Man Identity Reveal, This is Gospel, sad with a sorta happy ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-21
Updated: 2020-01-21
Packaged: 2021-02-27 14:07:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,320
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22344565
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theultimatenerd04/pseuds/theultimatenerd04
Summary: /This is gospel for the fallen onesLocked away in permanent slumber/Peter was nothing. Peter was a ghost. Peter had to protect the ones he cared about. That was the reason he was here. He wasn't hiding from stupid Mysterio and his stupid identity reveal. Wasn't hiding from all the people who thought he was a villain. No. He was homeless and in hiding to protect the only things that mattered - his friends and family.A song-fic based on This Is Gospel by Panic! At The Disco
Relationships: Michelle Jones & Ned Leeds & Peter Parker, Michelle Jones & Peter Parker, Ned Leeds & Peter Parker, Peter Parker & May Parker, Peter Parker & Tony Stark
Series: marvel song fics [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1531082
Comments: 3
Kudos: 37
Collections: Spider-Man Public Identity Reveal





	This Is Gospel

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own the lyrics and also that this is unedited and I'm pretty sure I switched tense part way through. I'm gonna fix it later, I just can't right now. My back is killing me and literally everything hurts so I'm gonna go before I start complaining even more. 
> 
> Sorry! Bye!

/This is gospel for the fallen ones  
Locked away in permanent slumber/

What was Peter, if not fallen? The person he used to be was gone, buried feet under. Now all that was left was a shadow, a ghost of a person. Emptiness where there used to be light and laughter.

/Assembling their philosophies  
From pieces of broken memories/

He left behind all he had before. His friends, family. Everything. He didn’t want to let them go. A sob coursed through his body at the reminder. Peter lost everything and then had to build himself anew. An impossible task to do for someone still a teenager but with no one left to support him. 

/Oh, this is the beat of my heart, this is the beat of my heart  
Oh, this is the beat of my heart, this is the beat of my heart/

It was the story of his life. As real as the beat of his heart. He had to get through it. He would get through it. For everyone he left behind. Peter would do it for them. He would make himself anew even if it killed him. After all, wasn’t that the point?

/The gnashing teeth and criminal tongues conspire against the odds  
But they haven't seen the best of us yet/

With every step he took there was a poisonous reminder of his old life. It seeped through his veins, darkening the already blackened vessels. His feet took him further into Queens tracing the steps he knew by heart. If he kept going, he’d be there within ten minutes. It wouldn’t take long. Barely a blip in his day. 

Every turn temptation screamed at him. A constant reminder. He just wanted to see them for one second. Surely that couldn’t help. He tried to delude himself but Peter was too smart. He knew he could never let himself get that far. He was already too close.

/If you love me let me go  
If you love me let me go/

A message for everyone who cared about him. They would be in danger if they knew. The whole world knew his identity. The whole world knew who he cared about. The whole world through he was a monster. The only way to protect the ones he cared about was to disappear. 

He didn’t count on them suffering, on them not giving up on him. Hope was a toxic thing.

/'Cause these words are knives that often leave scars  
The fear of falling apart/

Mysterio’s words rang through his mind, an ever constant string of pain and misery. Yet another reminder of what he’s lost and more importantly, how. Peter is used to loss. First his parents, then Ben and now everyone else. But with every person that is taken away from him, the fear grows. Eventually he has to break. Eventually he has to fall apart. No human can last forever.

/And truth be told, I never was yours  
The fear, the fear of falling apart/

The pain he felt when he was hovering above his own funeral, watching his aunt, all his friends. The lie he told himself when all he could do was curl in a ball and cry bitter tears. He was never theirs. He never belonged, not after Ben’s death. He was an imposter and now he was freeing them from the burden that was Peter Parker. 

He never believed the lie but it was all he had. The only thing that kept him from falling apart during those lonely nights spent trying to conserve the precious dregs of warmth. 

/Oh, this is the beat of my heart, this is the beat of my heart  
Oh, this is the beat of my heart, this is the beat of my heart/

Some days, his heartbeat was the only thing that kept him sane. The only thing that let him know he was alive. It was the promise he wished Tony would have made, had he seen the older man one last time before he ran. 

“Just hold on kid. This won’t last forever. We’ll get you out of this.”

But maybe this problem was too great for even the amazing Tony Stark.

/This is gospel for the vagabonds,  
Ne'er-do-wells, insufferable bastards/

Months past. He wasn’t sure how many. Somehow, through the passing time, Peter had blended in with the other street kids. Some were just like him, running from something they’d rather not discuss. Others’ less so. Drug addicts and small time criminals roamed the streets, the guys Spider-Man once would have handed over to the police. Now, Peter was one of them. 

How far had he fallen?

/Confessing their apostasies  
Led away by imperfect impostors/

A few of the kids gathered together some nights. They talked long into the night, sometimes about their worries of malnutrition, sometimes about whatever landed them on the streets in the first place. Peter hovered around the edges. He had never felt no more like an imposter than he did then.

A few of the kids gathered together some nights. Peter wasn’t sure what they talked about but he saw their faces. Whatever they were discussing, it was something deep, heavy. He wasn’t sure if he wanted to get involved so he skulked around the edges of the conversation, never quite joining in but never quite leaving either. He had never felt so much like an imposter than he did then. 

/Oh, this is the beat of my heart, this is the beat of my heart  
Oh, this is the beat of my heart, this is the beat of my heart/

If he kept repeating it to himself, he’d eventually believe it. It’s gonna be alright. It’s gonna be alright. So long as my heart keeps beating it’s gonna be alright. 

/Don't try to sleep through the end of the world  
Bury me alive/

He had contemplated giving up before. Ending it. But Peter can’t let go of the distant hope that eventually Tony - anyone - might get him out of this. Distantly, he knows it’s never going to happen; the whole world knows his face but he can’t give up hope. He can’t.

/'Cause I won't give up without a fight/

Ben taught him to never give up hope. Even if it kills him, he won’t. He could always trust Ben; he never let Peter down. He doesn’t see why this time should be any different. 

/If you love me let me go  
If you love me let me go/

His friends have finally moved one. Somehow, Peter finds it within himself to be happy for them. He’s not sure how; he hasn’t been happy - truly happy - in so long. May hasn’t but he didn’t expect her to. Not really. But she is trying and that’s all he could ask of her. 

Peter hasn’t seen Tony, doesn’t know how the man’s going but he hoped he’s alright. He never expected to grow close to the older man, never expected to begin to see him as anything other than a mentor but it’s too late now. Peter just hopes that he’s moved on.

/'Cause these words are knives that often leave scars  
The fear of falling apart/

The scars from his impromptu identity reveal have whitened. They’re still present, still visible, Peter still feels them everyday but not as much as before. 

/And truth be told, I never was yours  
The fear, the fear of falling apart/

Peter still holds onto hope that someone from his old life will find him and magically make everything better again but that hope is no longer his lifeline. He no longer belongs to the memories of what was. He is more than just Peter Parker. He has evolved, just like humans had been doing ever since evolution. 

/Oh, the fear of falling apart  
Oh, the fear, the fear of falling apart/

He will not fall apart. He will be new.


End file.
